'Our Meet'

I met you with a debonair mind

Flawless talks, a knot to bind

Your fidgety hands, staging a smile

Just took few moments for my heart to travel miles

That slight touch of cheeks

While whispering in your ears

I lost track of what music was playing for the first time

That teensy space of ours was so much mine 

You didn’t leave me the very first day

My heart found a base in your place

And now I leave a piece of me with you every time

Your goosebumps-giving-touch

Your breathing that gives me instincts of way old bonds of times

Your rude words trying to keep me distant

But your eyes silently telling me, ‘let yourself be mine’

They stung deep into my soul

And I know patience is all I need to have

For you may let down your shield

Maybe, just maybe someday

For you are just intimidated

But someday you’ll take me in your arms so tight

And then no matter what happens

Even if we won’t stay together

Our soul will be relieved, it won’t wonder anymore

Just having each other somewhere in the world will be all

A feeling so satisfied

We won’t be scared anymore

We’ll have the whole world

Falling to our smiles

Falling to our smiles.

"Devkund Trek"

Trek among the trees 

On a beautiful trail of leaves 

Experience mesmerizing views 

That will take away all your blues

The lake with glittering gold in between 

The rocks with strength unseen

You climb with a pack of unknown

Just to get your mind blown

 

The spider that hangs on the way

Everybody is pleased to capture her on her web as she lay

The tree that got cut looks like a view breaker

But still it became someone's wallpaper 

The golden field throughout the way

Makes your heart wana stay

The streams of water that flows

Someone took out the shoes to wiggle their toes

You click every step 

And your face glows

The small waterfall that you can't reach to

You sit at the rocks to give it time, that’s never enough

It’s too much of a worthy view 

Then comes the final touch 

That sight so wide

Your soul feels a clutch

You run to the bottom of the waterfall

The water’s so chill, makes something inside you crawl

Oh! it's so cold

But that numbness is what gives you a rush

There’s no sound that you hear now, everything went hush

You feel so high

And see everything with a sigh

It’s like painted with a giant paint brush

 

You then sit around

With the vibration mode on

As you are so cold

But you care less

As in that moment

Nothing else matters

You are now heart bound

And your mind is at rest

And then you start heading back

And that's a thrill 

Coz climbing down 

Scares your heart to drop dead

Still shivering with the cold clothes on

You cannot resist laughing

As your fear is on

Some sliding, some falls

And then someone plays songs

Though it's a nature trail

But music makes it a soothing sail

 

You are back at the lake again

With the setting sun

The gold got spread

Serenity fed

And then the last few steps

The moment when you know

That people will come and go

It’s how the life will flow

This is what you always want

To trek, to wander and to bond

With places, people and beyond

 

"The Touch Unknown"

It's so dark, so deep and scary

That the way couldn't find me

Trapped in a bubble

That dances through the night

There comes a tremble

And the ground drifts apart

I couldn’t find the balance

When you held me tight

The bubble bursts

And the inside feels the flames

It falls into the never lasting time

Grasped within the arms of the unknown

I shut the seen and felt the engulfing monster of time

Gave into the urges

That were never mine

If getting lost is what heals the empty soul

Then let nothing ever find me

Let me get into the willies

And let me vanish in space

With this feeling

That you are mine

That you are mine.

Kacha Ehsaas

Ek kaccha sa ehsaas tha
Dab gaya tha kahin
Phir mehsoos naa ho kabhi
Zindagi ke shor mein kho gaya tha kahin

Bade ho gaye na jane kitne
Har ehsaas ko chaanne lage
Umar ke sath khud ko kam se kam pehchanne lage
Milte hi kisi ko das chiz parakhne lage
Phir soch samajh ke kuch mehsoos karne lage

Aur is pakki zindagi mein
Naa jane kyun phir tum se mulakat ho gayi
Phir ji liye kuch pal us kache ehsaas mein
Khud ki masoomiyat se jaise phir se mulakat ho gayi

Waqt itna kam mila ab bhi
Par kuch is kadar gum ho gaye hum tum mein
Jaise sadiyon ke fasle do pal mei kat gaye
Jitna ho sake tujh mein hum simat gaye

Phir muthi se fisal na jaye kahin
Dab na jaye kahin
Ehsaas ko bhi wajah chahiye hoti h aajkal
Bewajah jo ho raha hai
Vo phir kabhi hoga nahi
Par ab Jo ho raha hai
Toh khul kar ise jile abhi...

Memory In a Coffee Mug

(Zindagi Ke Panno Se)

Mein, jisse ab zindagi mei chai ke alawa kuch magical nahin lagta

Usse yeh baarish ke pani ke beech rakha hua coffee ka mug itna yaad aayega socha na tha

Some stories are never meant to be completed or to end

Life just gives us opportunities to have few episodes every now and then

We never get proper time with some people to actually reach somewhere

It’s just bits and pieces and how we decide to keep them is on us

Some may decide to just delete them, never have them again

Some may decide to give it a try to complete their story

And some like me just want these episodes to keep happening

We don’t want to think that we’ll never reach somewhere or we’ll get hurt

We are happy with whatever time we get

To all those stories that happen in parts in someone’s life and those that will never have any solid existence in life

For all those people who are like me

It’s better not to analyze

Let these moments blend within you

It’s better then never…

Zindagi chaho toh bahut lambi hai

Isme kuch palon ko ghulne do

Tum chahe sabse na milo

Par ek bar har kisi ko khud se milne do…

Flash Back [Date : 2nd Oct'16] 

"An encounter with an Old Lady"

Today I visited a park near my building …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat on a wooden bench,

That did slightly wrench.

Surrounded by Green grass all around,

No one else to make a sound.

One tree waved in slight breeze

Patches of flowers with some hovering bees

There’s red, there’s yellow

There’s blue and pink

But what my heart thinks?

Is that there’s no white.

How beautiful the same flowers would be?

If they were white

But why did I come here?

I never did before all my life

I needed some peace

To make my heart at ease

So I think to myself

Am getting what I want?

No I am not.

My mind’s still disturbed

May be I just can’t.

I was so lost in my maze

That I never noticed

The women beside me and her gaze

Wondering when she came?

I looked at her shaggy skin

I thought, “Oh! She’s old”

She doesn’t fit in the frame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the encounter began when the silence broke…

She asked, “What brings you here?”

It seemed like a verbal poke. I told her, “I came to see the park”

She smiled and said, “No you didn’t, your mind is so crowded. I could feel the tension. I see you look well off. Tell me. May be this oldie could tell you something you didn’t know”. And then there was a scoff.

I said to myself, “What this lady could tell me that I didn’t already know?”

I said, “Nothing’s like that”. I thought that was a fine blow. But to be polite, I further asked, “Where do you live?”

She spoke as she pointed, “In that Grey building”. And I noticed her eyes go bright. That is the one I also stay in. So I thought maybe she is not dangerous and I did have a little grin. I asked her about her flat and her family. Knowing this much, I felt she didn’t mean any harm.

But then she asked again the reason to my tension. So I told her that it’s general stuff, issues in the place I am staying in, office, with family and a lot more. I then knew she’s not gona leave it to that. But she didn’t ask me any further and there was silence. I thought maybe she is not interested or she got the idea that I didn’t want to tell her.

For five minutes it all went quiet. I was about to get up and go, when she asked, “Why are you leaving?”

I should have known whatever I say she is not gonna buy it. I said, “it’s getting late I have some work?”

And to my surprise she said, “No you don’t have any work. So tell me the truth. Is it because I entered in your not so peace cloud and now it’s too awkward?”

I couldn’t answer her. I had no words.

She continued, “I understand you have many problems. Small, big ones and very big ones.  It’s a chaotic sheet with multiple columns. Some can be solved but it’s difficult and some cannot be solved. For you nothing is typical. Point is you don’t like it. It’s all so messy and you are tensed. So tell me now what do you want? What should be done to make it fit? If given 3 wishes which problems would you get resolved?”

I smiled and said in an instant, “Why would I waste 3 wishes on these when I can get anything else?

Who would care then if they aren’t solved?”

And so she replied back in an instant too, “When you know what makes you happy and what you want, then why don’t you get that, instead of wasting your time in thinking about these useless problems that makes you unhappy?”

For a moment I didn’t have any answer. But then as any other reluctant human to understand the real fact, I thought for a minute and said, “These problems are affecting my everyday life and I can’t neglect them”.

With a nice smile and stare she said, “When you would go after what you want, keeping aside all the troubles, everything else would be suppressed. Life would be a gem and when you continue to do what makes you happy you wouldn’t even know what other problems are because they wouldn’t mean anything to you then. “

I knew she was right but to deflect I asked her, “Where are your children?”

She said, “They are in another city”. To continue the subject I added, “Why don’t you stay with them?”

To what she replied “I did go once. Stayed there for a while and realized that there were many problems. There were issues in staying, with family and others. But I never cried. I wanted to be happy and I knew I’ll be in my home, my locality and with my people around. So one day I packed and came back.” I wondered just like that? She left all her family and came back just because she wanted that?

I asked her, “Who all are her people here?”

She said, “Everyone in my building. From watchman to guard, to my neighbors and to everyone on each floor.”

Her words were making me think more. I got up and said, “I’ll leave now”

She said, “I will come too”.

When we entered the building, each and every person greeted her with a little bow and talked to her for a minute.  I was surprised. Some young ones even touched her feet.

So many people bowing here to her. They aren’t even her family. I have never seen anything like it.

When my floor came I said good bye to her. She stepped on the lift door to hold it. At that time no one else in the lift even made a sound. She said, words that I would like to quote in the same language,

“Apni khushi dhundo. Roz ki chizon ko jahan hai rehne do. Jinse fark nhi padta unpe kyu dimaag khapana . Zindagi ek hi hai. Ji lo” (Find your own happiness. Leave everyday’s problems to where they are. Why to worry about the things that don’t matter. There’s just one life. Live.)

And it would never go out of my mind.

Simple words. Strong meaning.

This article was first published on SMART INDIAN WOMEN on 14th April '16.

[Link : http://www.smartindianwomen.com/an-encounter-with-an-old-lady/]

"The Overprotective Crows Threatened Me"

It was Friday, 16th April. I came back to my place with thoughts of what am I gonna do over weekend? Lots of things lined up and with all running in my mind, I opened the curtains. As I saw the view just for a mo, suddenly a crow came, sat on the grill and it seemed like it was shouting at me. It was cawing and pecking on the clothes and the rope with it’s beak. I was unable to understand, but then I saw the egg on the base of the grill. And the other crow was sitting there too. And then the other crow started cawing too. They both were snatching the clothes from the rope. It seemed to me like they were threatening me to go.

They are the same crows that come here every day and when we shoo them away they leave. But now I could see they were not scared and they won’t go away. Instead they were trying to make me leave.

I closed the curtains, to tell them they can relax and that we are not going to make them go now. But I know they didn’t understand that. It’s a crow after all.

From yesterday the windows are closed and curtains too. But if I pass from there or take a peek they come right back at me in an instant with their cawing.

There was one egg at that time yesterday. But now there are two and they are beautiful. :-)

The number of eggs kept increasing everyday. Really. And there were total 6 eggs now. We couldn't open the windows, put our clothes to dry up, couldn't even take the clips from the rope. The cawing was always there every now and then. The crows just didn't want us there. Like it's their place.

And one day when I came back from office, I saw one baby crow. It was my first time seeing one. It was so small and looked so delicate. It kept cawing in its baby crow voice. The crows were furious more than ever to see me peek. I quickly took some clicks and left them alone.

"The Auto Hunt"

17^th Nov 2014. It was my birthday and an unexpected incident marked it's stamp somewhere at the back of my brain.

The day started with me getting a courier from a friend when I was in office. It was a great deal for me as I was getting a gift via courier from a long distance friend for the first time.

I left early from office with some friends and we went to a mall. We all were damn hungry so we went to the food court. We had just started eating, when suddenly I realized that the courier was missing. I asked my friend, X who accompanied me in the auto that we took to the mall, if he had seen it. But he hadn’t. I had left it in the auto. It was an important gift for me. So we decided to go look for the auto vala. I was thinking about what could be the chances of finding the package. Only if we could find the auto soon then maybe the auto vala must not have noticed that package as it was kept behind the seat and it could be still there. To add he must not have picked any other passenger too. As we had in mind that if any other passenger or even if the auto vala would see it then they would keep it.

We had taken that auto from outside our office. So we all went back there. We enquired at the auto stand. The auto vala was a Sikh, so we could be more descriptive. Talked to many auto valas and one of them seemed to know him. He gave us his number. My friend dialed and talked to that auto vala. But it turned out that he was a different man. We thought that may be he found the package and so he is lying now. But with the conversation we felt that he seemed to know nothing about dropping us at the mall. So we enquired further and the auto valas told us that he may be from the MG Road. One comes from there and goes back, so we could once go there and check. X and I decided to go while other friends left. We reached MG Road and below the metro station there’s a prepaid taxi stand. Many autos were lined up and auto valas were all crowed for passengers to come. We talked to many of them. Some of them tried to remember as per our description. Some told that they know someone like that but they all were like taking about different guys. It was all kinda mixed up and was not matching. They told us to enquire at the taxi stand and also that there is another auto stand some way ahead. We first went to the prepaid booth and talked to them. They told us if the auto vala brings the package then they’ll keep it and inform us. They took our contact details. We then went to that another stand which was quite far. There also we talked to many auto valas but nothing seemed like working. Till now one thing became clear that a lot of auto valas knew me and that the package was important.

I was getting this thought that we won’t find him now. He came from some other place only and won’t come back.

I was feeling disheartened that I lost the package and started to think about what I would tell D. I went back home all grimed. It was around 11:30 p.m. My birthday passed and I lost the gift. I called D and told him that I lost it. He also felt sad but didn’t say much. This was the thought that I slept with that day.

Next morning at around 9:00 a.m. X came to my place. He told me that we should once again go to MG Road and check. We could wait for some time for auto vala to show up. I was too low to go and it was very cold too. But I wanted to find that package anyhow. So I told him that I would quickly get ready. It was then when he told me that he already found the package. That he got up early and went there and he found the courier at the prepaid booth. The auto vala saw it when he reached home and brought it in the morning to the booth.

And what I thought earlier was that the only chance of getting the courier back was if nobody saw it. The auto vala could have kept it. Or even the pre paid booth vala. But they didn’t. I don’t remember the auto vala. But I would remember this forever. Hope shouldn’t be conditional. I applied so many conditions that I didn’t think for once that may be that auto vala would think that it’s an important package for someone and so he should try to return it. Nothing ever happened that made me distrust so badly. But this incident won’t let me do that ever again.

I told D that I got the package back. For once he couldn’t believe it. He was happy and so was I.

Thanks to that Auto Vala, Prepaid booth vala and X who brought it back. J

Photo Courtesy here

"She Didn't Know Me. Yet She Helped Me In My Time Of Need"

We all have been through that situation when a transgender person comes up in a bus or a train and we don’t actually want to give money. Some of us give it because saying no is difficult. Some says that their blessings are really powerful. I believe the later.

It was in 2009 when I joined college. Every second weekend I used to go home and on my return I had to travel in bus from my hometown to Delhi and then from ISBT to college. I wasn’t very comfortable travelling in local buses due to the crowd. And while coming back on Sunday I was always in that tensed mode to reach hostel on time. The entry timing was 6:00 p.m.

The first time when I was travelling to hostel I was a little scared. I boarded the bus at ISBT and it was still waiting to be occupied with passengers. I had only one thought of reaching hostel on time. Then she entered the bus and started taking money from everyone. I don’t know the reason but I always felt nice giving them money. The way they put their hand on your head and say nice words makes me feel blessed. I gave her 10 rupees and she did the same thing. After that it happened every time and it was the same her each time. I used to always take the bus at around 4:00 p.m.

Once she didn’t put her hand on my head as she was talking to her friend. So I called her and asked her for it. She smiled and did it twice.

Then after a few months, one day while going back to hostel I got very late. It was already 5:30 p.m. The bus was still waiting and I was really edgy. When it started I felt a little relief considering, “Ab bas ek ghantaa aur”. (“Just one more hour to go”) But it always takes a series of events to make it a memorable incident.

On the highway the bus broke. The conductor said that they’ll try to stop a bus and if someone wants to go by their own then they can. Everyone started de-boarding the bus. I had no idea what to do. People started taking lifts or auto. I was afraid of travelling alone in an auto on that route. So I hesitated in getting one. There were very less empty autos coming by and people were taking them all. They were asking for a higher price too. I was getting a feeling that I won’t be able to get it. I didn’t see who all were there in the bus. I got this thought that may be someone from my college can be there. So I turned to see everyone. To my luck she was there. Maybe she noticed the fear or tension on my face. I didn’t know what she was doing in the bus as she used to get down 5 minutes after the bus rode. She came up to me and asked, “Kidhar jana hai tereko”? (“Where do you have to go”?) I was a little reluctant in talking to her but seeing no other option I told her where my college was. She didn’t tell me where she was going or didn’t even ask me if she can accompany me. She went a little ahead on the road, stopped an auto and turned to look at me. She just said, “Chal aa. Chod kar aati hai mei”. (“Come let’s go. I’ll take you there”.) In an instant I did. For the first time in my life I trusted a stranger and I am really happy about it. On the whole way she didn’t ask me anything. I suppose she knew that I was distressed of travelling with her. God knows what anyone can do to me, kidnap me or what. When we reached the hostel I just told the auto wala to stop. We got down and she said, “Ja bhag jaldi. Late ho raha hai na?” (“Go run fast. Getting late no?”). I don’t know how she knew that. She didn’t even ask me to pay. I rushed inside the hostel, made an entry and then saw her from the gate. She waited for me to go in, then got inside the auto and it took a u-turn. She was going somewhere else and still she came all the way just to bring me to my place safely. I never asked her name.

Again the same routine continued. I used to see her every time in the bus. I never talked to her and nor did she. But one thing changed. Now we both used to pass a familiar smile. In her smile I could feel the assurance of her being there. Maybe it’s just my imagination.

I sometimes think about her and this incident really makes me feel happy. Every time when someone like her comes to me I feel good. I see her in them. I know I can’t trust everyone. But I like them. I am a little less scared of them then the general public.

I wish I could go back again and meet her. If I do, I’ll definitely talk to her and take pictures as well.

This article was published on 'Women’s Web' on 9th March 16.

This is the unedited version.